Stay Positive

I don't know how i'm going to do all of this.
I want to give up.

Seedy Sunday

Life is getting hectic again and I have so much to do. Ugh. Crazy.

Friday morning I went to a personal training session with Kelly my ball of love and then on Friday night after the day from hell I went to dinner with my work girls, it was a nice night but I was exhausted so left pretty early.

Saturday morning I went to breakfast with Kelly my ball of love and our other friend. It was deliciously naughty. Then I did some general house stuff and went to a make up trial in Mandurah, the make up artist is amazing and I am so much happier with her then the first lady I had so I'm really thrilled about that.

Then on Saturday night I headed up to NB with some friends and got a little bit tragically boozy.
We had mexican for dinner and drank a lot of carafes full of alcohol, then trudged into the Brass Monkey and had a few more drinks.
I saw Gotye, Oh Gotye, I saw you side glance and me and yes I know, I know, I too want to punch my memory right in the face.
I played awesome basketball with Drew and we pretended to have moustaches, then after going to the Attic with everyone we head to Bar Open where I felt sooooooo happy. They played all punk rock and it was heaven. I was the happiest.
After that we were supposed to head somewhere else but we ended up going to a strip club and I lost my strip club virginity, it was interesting but a lot better than anything i'd ever freaked out about. After that I ran and caught the train home.

 Me kicking Drews bum in basketball… I actually lost by 3 points.

Alexi amazed by my pro basketball playing skills.

 Me at the Brass Monkey totally excited that their bathrooms look like toilets from Hogwarts, old and scaryyy.

 Drew and I with our moustaches.

 Me collecting feathers as I was so sad that I missed seeing the 2 tonnes fall from the sky. Stupid Feathers.

 Me and Alexis gf being cute.

 Pauly Paul and I drinking out of our american college party cups.

 Bar Open = Heaven.

 Huge fan keeping me cool in the sweatbox of bar open

 Dani and I with Punk rock type Cam from Modern Family. He was particularly sweaty.


Today I woke up feeling ok, I'm just shattered and so tired. I went to lunch with Harry Potter and we caught up and now i'm wanting to start packing up the house but it looks like a bomb hit it so it's easier to stay in bed.

I have still got to address all of the new envelopes and fix the invites but i'll be doing that this week and then I also have a lot of TAFE stuff to get into. Life over the next few months is going to be hectic.

sad face

Ugh, I have lost my motivation today.
I just feel sad, and not for any particular reason.
I think I'm just tired.

We move it our little love nest in a few weeks and hopefully that will be a bit of a pick me up, finally after our many years together of his house, my house, this house, that house, we will be in ourrrrr housey. I can't wait for it to be our home, to cherish and to create everlasting memories in.

Work is going well, I go to TAFE tomorrow for my introductory course which I'm excited and nervous for, I just keep trying to improve my confidence. I hope that when I lose a bit more weight and have been in my  role a month or so longer that I will be really focused and ready to take on any challenges.

I'm going to bed, i'm over this entry and i'm hungry. blah.

Date night

Today has been a pretty cruisey day for me, I woke up after a sleep in and did 100 sit ups and the quit with the exercise, then Tallboy and I went wedding ring shopping and I found my ring! It's sooo thin and had diamonds along the front of the band and it fits under my solitaire diamond well, I'm so happy, I love it so much and I just want to wear it now! Love it!
Then after that we went to his parents house for lunch, healthy chicken and salad. After that I dropped Tallboy off at his friends house and I did some healthy food shopping.
I came home and vegged out, I didn't do any of the packing or de-clutering I had planned, I sat on my bed, looking at shoes online and emailed Lovechild, I watched cooking shows and addressed a few wedding envelopes.

Then at 5.30 I picked up Tallboy and we went to dinner at outback jacks, I wasn't a fan. I got a salad in an edible bowl, I didn't like it, I had some of TB's steak but I didn't like that either. Then we went to the movies to see 'A few Best Men' I love how wedding movies are coming back in lately (Bridesmaids, a few best men, next will be 'the vow') anyway it's an english movie set in Australia, I really enjoyed it (I love british movies, brigitte jones, love actually, the one with the kid and hugh grant) it was quick whitted and it didn't try too hard, it was easy to watch and the guy that played Tom is highlarious, he reminds me of Ron Weasley (part ranga theory and just part, good acting, quick humour) So that was nice.

We've come home now and TB is playing playstation and I just wrote more envelopes and my hands are sore so I thought i'd blog.

I'm so ready for bed, what a nana!

So...

So, after my Negative Nancy day yesterday I  have managed to slightly pull my overweight self together to try and start again and carry on.

I started by eating healthy today, I had a sensible breakfast (Ham and tomato in a low calorie wrap) lunch was the same, I had a cup of tea and 2L of water. I had another wrap with vegemite for afternoon tea and dinner was 1/3 of a subway salad - the tune freaked me out royal. It went like this, bite 1: delicious, bite 2: om nom, bite 3: so tasty, bite 4: what the feckkkk??? ewwwww. Bite 4 tasted way too 'fishy' so that was it, no more dinner noms for me.

I also decided that my confidence has been way too shot lately, usually i'm pretty out there but the last few weeks I have regressed and it is majorly due to weight. So I got hair extensions put in, it's not much but having longer hair makes me feel much better.

Then when I got home I did a spray tan (well technically I bought a spray tan machine and now make Tallboy spraytan me) but this also helps me feel better.

I will be getting heavily into the gym again in the next few months, I haven't had a confidence issue like this before and when you have a job where you are required to know the facts and talk your employees in the eye you don't have time to hide in a shell.

Tomorrow I'm going to look at wedding band shopping and then I just want to relax but i'll have to re-address a whole pile of envelopes and start trying to pack up this house ready for the move to 'Coco's on Kumar' - I totes just named our house. Then tomorrow night Tallboy and I are dating.

Sunday I might be seeing Harry Potter, was originally for an icecream date but I don't want to cave so might have to reschedule.

Here are some more Engagement shots:

Our Engagement Shoot

Wakey Wakey!!!

The wake up call.
Everyone has them.
I think the first thick smack in the face happened tonight.

I got our engagement photos from December and they are beautiful, perfectly shot and I love them.
I hate me in them, I look like I am pregnant, I have cubby arms, the double chin shadow and a chubby belly. I'm horrified at how I have let myself go.

The photos are gorgeous and I made them into a slideshow with a beautiful song and it made me feel a bit better, but I am determined that the next time Jimmy shoots us on our wedding day I will have lost weight and I will have toned my horrible arms, stomach, chin and thighs.

Anyway that's my own fault and my own demon that I have to overcome and I shouldn't have left it so late. fml.

Jimmy is an excellent and talented photographer and everyone should check him out. www.izo.com.au

What a suprise

What a surprise.

I am absolutely exhausted again. 

This weekend I am doing absolutely nothing! 

Ok… I will do a few wedding things, but apart from that it's going to be a saturday and sunday full of napping. 

Today I worked pretty well, slowing getting there, I feel like my self esteem isn't good enough for meeting my candidates at the moment, I def feel that it would improve if I lost weight and if I were prettier but can't change my face so need to change my weight, anyway met a candidate, had my review, a lot of updating and changing files, I came home, did washing, cooked dinner, cleaned the bathroom, hung up washing and cleaned the dishes, got fuel, emailed and discussed fixing the wedding invites, paid deposit for decor and painted my nails a prostitute red. I'm supposed to straighten my hair now but stuff it, i'm going to bed. 

I will get back into blogging later, when i'm not such a nanna. 

blergh

I'm tired, crampy and bloated.
Shakes failed yesterday and I jumped off the bandwagon, although Tallboy made me go for a 1.4k run with him… I hardly ran at all.
I am going to keep trying. I just need more self control and to exercise.
ugh life is failing me today.
so i'm watching new girl and sleeping.

Laziest

I've been so lazy and have not blogged at all lately.
Basically right now I feel SO fat! I've put on so much weight and it's terrible. So back into shakes (which I have been terribly with for the last two weeks) and exercise starting tomorrow.
NO clothes fit me or look good, I look so feral in everything, esp my work uniform. I don't want to go out and wear dresses cos when I do I feel horrible. hating myself today. blergh.
I will update properly when I get a chance.

Quick update.

Thursday - Australia Day at Memmas, saw Harry Potter, melted, was a beached whale in a mini paddling pool, loved the water, melted.
Friday Night - Tallboys birthday, lots of drinking, lots of laughing, lots of taking care of a very drunk giant.
Saturday - Ran around town with Haveachat and did a whole pile of wedding stuff, got my centerpieces sorted, got our decorations for the wedding sorted, went to lunch, lounged, got more centerpiece stuff, went to dinner with memma, hung out with tallboy.
Sunday - hung out with Lovechild and came home and watched the new girl, did some washing.
Monday - Tomorrow, back at work, at the new desk, hate the new desk. I also have to go to Thornlie to sort out my tafe enrollment. I'm terrified so nervous, haven't studied in years and am scared i'll fail. So very very nervous. Back to RPM and shakes. it;s going to be very hard.

Thank you

Thank you to everyone who crossed their fingers for us, everyones good thoughts paid off and we managed to find a stunning venue on our exact wedding date that was available. I love the new venue and I can't believe how lucky TB and I were.

Biggest Bridal Stress Ever

You know what's awesome 3 months before getting married? Having your heart broken by the Venue letting you down.
Tallboy and I viewed our wedding venue last year at the end of winter and it was spectacular, the drive down the dusty red road through two lush green paddocks perfectly lined by leafless trees set up the romantic mood and set up the suspense for entering the estate. It was absolutely stunning and I was thrilled when TB and I found the venue, we were so excited.

We went there again today to show the inlaws to ensure that they too saw our vision. We drove down the red dusty road and on each side where the lush green grass paddocks which were envisioned to have the marquee and festival of love set up was dry dead crisp grass. The paddocks are not irrigated like I was lead to believe. The venue is well and truely effed. I had previously asked the lady last year to ensure that this wouldn't happen and she had said that it wouldnt be dried out, she said it was irrigated. She clearly was talking about the few meters of land around the hotel part of the estate. I am heart broken, absolutely heart broken.

So now I am trying to find a standard wedding venue, goodbye beautiful wedding editorial rustic wedding look wedding. Hello standard wedding. Worst case senario we just have to have it at the dead funeral look estate but I'm just devastated right now. I've been crying for hours.

Your wedding is supposed to be the best day of your life, it's supposed to be everything youve ever dreamed of and it's supposed to be beautiful. I just feel like this is yet another kick in the stomach for me, I've had a lot of shit in my life, you'd think i'd get a break.

This is the first time I feel like a real bridezilla but I don't think what I expected was uncalled for. I just want what was promised to me and I get fuck all. I'm going to go and cry again now.

BROKE

SO EFFING BROKE.
Where did all my non existant monies go?
*saddest panda face ever*

Today

I ate too much 'not allowed' (non kate morgan) food.
Now my stomach is aching.
ouch.
:(
My stomach feels like this right now.

That'll teach me.

Yeahhhhh Hollywooodddd

So I was getting super jealous of all the tv and movie relationships seeming so amazing and I really pined to get the butterflies again, so I decided that I'm just as good as anyone else on youtube and I created my own slideshow of Tallboy and I from our trip across contiki. I want to figure out some sort of way to play this for him for his birthday but I might just show him tonight because I've never made a music slideshow before and I'm really proud of myself. Yay for me.

I love this boy so much, its not easy. I don't ever think any relationship is easy, but it's worth it.

Exhausting day and still plenty more to do.

Gah, what a hectic day. I am exhausted.

This morning I got up fairly early as I had quite a lot of errands and house work to do.
I got up, cleaned the kitchen, made the bed, did a load of washing, convinced TB to hang out that load, then I went to the shops, paid the doctor, bought groceries, posted items, put away groceries, took down washing, put on another load of washing, washed the dogs, swept, vacuumed, hung out washing, cleaned the bathroom, picked up wedding invites, stamped 70 envelopes, and put on a roast.

So now I have to take down my other load of washing and put up the towels, then I'll be going through and folding everything and put it all away. I also need to cull my wardrobe and then put any dresses up for sale on ebay and all others go to charity. Crazyyyyy.

Anyway I have to go do all of that. Here is a sneak peak of the wedding invites. I have to go do more house stuff now.

Naw

So after a crazy but rewarding week at work I got home tonight to see Tallboy had totally added the sweetest touch to our surprise dinner date. I got home to find he had bought me yellow roses and he wrote me a beautiful card in his scribbly toddler hand writing.

I walked in and did our after work kiss ritual and then was talking as I walked into our bedroom and the flowers were there waiting on the bed. I was like 'What's that? Why are you being nice to me?' and then I cried a little haha I seriously again said 'why are you doing that?' haha and he was so sweet. We ended up going to Subiaco to the Witch's Cauldron for dinner as I'd said for ages how much I'd wanted to go there. It was quite nice, we got a booth. I ordered the garlic prawns and then a chicken dish. I couldn't finish it (the shakes must be working!)

Now we have come home and are quite exhausted. I have a crazy day tomorrow, I have to go to my work mum and dads to see the invites, get workmum some red wine, send ebay items in the post, pick up an item, pay the doctors from monday, buy groceries and clean the whole house because I can't stand it any more. I'll also cull my wardrobe and give what I don't want to charity. Then all of my dresses that I don't wear I will list and add to ebay.

Hectic. Sunday I'm going to mexican for lunch and next weekend i'm going down south to check out our wedding venue and plan the lay out.

Hectic, crazy, frantic, amazing.

Best 5 Minutes 36 Seconds of your life.

Oh my goodness. I effin LUFF Emma Stone, I just LUFF her, L-U-F-F. Seriously, my whiteboard at work is totes going back in dedication of Emma Stone and her bug-eyed, quirky, perfectly rehearsed whitty banter.

This is one of the best scenes from the movie and I love it so much because it reminds me of the RHG and all of our drunken stories and the memories that we would make from the people we would meet and the walks home that we had. I love this scene so much for what it represents and the memories it evokes. I wouldn't ever trade in my memories of those times. They were so blissfully confusing.

Squeeee, happy.

Sometimes there really can be happiness out of sadness.

Day Eleven

So it's day 11 of my shake diet. I haven't been as strict as I guess I should be but I haven't caved as much as I thought I would have.
Last night for example I went to Hans for dinner, I should have just gotten soup but I didn't, and today I ate half a wrap instead of fruit but oh well whatevs.

Degrassi is on again! *Squee* Craig is back. haha i'm such a loser. I fecking love Degrassi, good old Canada. Maple Syrup, Degrassi and Silverstein. Lovely.

Anyway apart from my shakes and reawakening of my obsession with Degrassi there isn't much to report on.

My new fav past time is still going to be youtubing lovey montages! Yayyyy I'm going to try and find one from the hills now. Yay for me!

HAPPY CRAZY LOVE EXCITED!

Ok so i'm totes in the mood now for my fave t.v show couple youtube songy montages. YAY FOR YOU!

Ross and Rachel - Friends.

JD and Elliot - Scrubs

(Good old Dashboard Confessional *swoooonnnn*)